Positive Word Power
When Avraham was 19, he went to Israel with a group of friends to learn in a yeshivah there. Once the school year got underway, however, Avraham and his friends seemed to part ways. Avraham fell in love with learning. He spent every spare moment in the Beis Medrash, taking on extra learning partners and staying up until the early-morning hours immersed in his Talmud.
His friends were growing and striving as well, but Avraham soared quickly past them. While Avraham eschewed every distraction that would take him from his learning, they took some time off from their studies to take yeshivah-sponsored tours of the land. They enjoyed spending their spare time exploring Jerusalem and visiting with friends in other yeshivos.
“How can you waste your time?” Avraham asked his friend Shmuel. “How many years do you think we have to learn without interruption? I can’t believe you guys. You’re still like high-school kids.”
Little by little, Avraham’s friends stopped inviting him to join them on their outings. They also stopped listening to his speeches about their misuse of their time. “He’s not even human anymore,” Shmuel exclaimed to another friend after one of Avraham’s lectures.
As a Jew and as a human being created in Hashem’s image, a person aspires to many lofty ideals. For some people, these ideals present themselves in stark black and white. These individuals are able to cast aside all distractions and strive relentlessly to live up to the standards they set for themselves. Ultimately, this focus and consistency are the ingredients of spiritual greatness.
There is, however, a downside to such clear vision. The person can fail to see the world as others see it, and therefore cannot understand what is holding others back from striving as he does. He can become judgmental and critical, constantly focusing on the failings he perceives in others. The result of thinking poorly of others is almost always speaking negatively to them, resulting in ona’as devarim.
Immediately, one can see the paradox. The idealist finds himself breaching the Torah prohibition of ona’as devarim, motivated by misguided piety. A person with high ideals must incorporate, as the Torah does, the laws of bein adam l’chaveiro, into his view of virtue. Truly great figures in the Torah world are renowned not only for their idealism, but for the way in which their sensitivity to others is fully a part of their idealism.
Spiritual issues are not the only ideals people can stumble upon. Ideals like health-consciousness, neatness, the work ethic and so forth can also engender intolerance toward those who miss the mark.
Practically speaking, insulting others is not a way to accomplish the idealist’s goal of pushing them toward greater spiritual striving. It usually accomplishes just the opposite, pushing people away and discrediting ideals that are rightly held but wrongly expressed. On the other hand, one who strives and achieves, all the while maintaining a pleasant, warm and giving demeanor, can inspire everyone who enters into his life.
In Other Words
I will think about the ideals about which I feel most passionate, and work on having an extra dose of patience and respect for others who face a greater struggle in those areas.
Reprinted with permission from powerofspeech.org