Positive Word Power

In days of old, soldiers went into battle wearing armor. The hard exterior protected the vulnerable flesh-and-blood being inside. Hoping not to be wounded, the soldier was willing to march miles in heat and rain, bearing what must have been a phenomenally uncomfortable outer garment.

 Although it doesn’t clank and glisten in the sun, armor is still worn by many people today. They fear emotional injury, and they wear emotional armor to protect themselves. Their covering hides their lack of confidence in themselves; they believe that if they were to be insulted, embarrassed or even contradicted, their self-image would crumble. To survive, they feel that they must be seen as right and strong and perfect at all times.

Of course, this is not the way of the world. People will point out others’ mistakes and criticize others’ failings. The insecure person thinks he can protect himself from these inevitabilities by trying to instill fear in everyone around him. That way, he will enjoy the illusion of having the upper hand, and no one will dare to expose him for the imperfect person he really is. Such people wear toughness and aggression like a suit of armor. It deflects all criticism and contradiction, allowing them to maintain their image of invulnerability.

Sadly, however, the traits people employ to hide their weaknesses usually turn others against them even more. No one believes their bluster for long. No one mistakes their hostility and aggressiveness for true valor, or their disregard for others as real individualism. “I don’t care what anyone thinks,” can be quickly decoded into “If I allowed myself to care what others thought, I’d be devastated by the results.”

A person who tries to cover his insecurity with a tough outer layer is guaranteed to speak in hurtful ways to others. He prides himself on telling others off, saying just what is on his mind without regard to the consequences. Little by little, he digs himself deeper into the rut of insecurity as all the potential sources for real, lasting self-esteem evaporate from his life.

The only way to dig out of this rut is to see it for what it is, and then actively begin doing things that build true self-esteem. This can be done by working patiently toward worthy goals, helping others, learning to accept advice and criticism and most of all, by valuing oneself as a unique creation of Hashem, who has a vital, singular role to play in this world. As a person embarks upon this path, he finds that his abusiveness is no longer necessary. He can survive news of his own imperfection, and even use it as a springboard to tremendous personal growth.

In Other Words

If I have a tendency to react angrily to criticism, I will stop and ask myself, “What am I afraid of?”

Reprinted with permission from powerofspeech.org