Positive Word Power

Translated into English, the irate wife’s Yiddish letter to her merchant husband, off on a long business trip, was a comedy of paradox. “My dear husband — you should live to 120 — you left me without money to pay the rent, and our landlord, who should remain healthy and strong, has been haranguing me mercilessly for days, may Hashem have mercy on him …..”

And so it went, complaints peppered with blessings, sharp criticisms countered by constant pleas to the Almighty for health, strength and good fortune for all those who embittered her life. That was the way of communication at the turn of the century.

Today, the model of communication is the Special Forces operative who goes in there and guns down everyone in the way of his mission. People who cut in front of a person in line, outbid him on a business deal, or cause any irritation whatsoever, are bound to find themselves on the wrong end of a verbal barrage filled with curses, and sometimes even profanity. This is certainly the way in the secular world, and therefore, impatience and the need for immediate gratification stand to threaten the Jewish world as well.

When anger or impatience roil inside a person, it is difficult to stop long enough to edit the words heading from brain to tongue at the speed of light. But the words that emerge have impact. Curses are real. That is why the Torah forbids cursing (Vayikra 19:14), even when Hashem’s Name is not used.

From the perspective of a person who has been cursed, the words are potent and hurtful. They can even be shocking. To those who are close — spouses, friends, children — they are an instant betrayal of the love in which they trusted. To strangers, curses are like an unexpected slap across the face.

Profanity is another form of ona’as devarim that sometimes flows from uncontrolled anger.

Not only does it demean the person at whom it is aimed, it also sullies the speaker. The Talmud (Pesachim, 3a,b) stresses that a person must strive to keep his language clean.

The irate housewife in the letter quoted above illustrates a better way to deal with frustration. When an outburst is inevitable, one can burst out with a blessing instead of a curse. “Zei gezunt! — be well!” is a phrase that has a long history of use in Klal Yisrael as a frustration-buster. There are many blessings to offer, and one should be prepared with them so that they will be waiting in the wings when one feels the overwhelming need to shout something.

Blessing others — even out of frustration — is a powerful way to bring blessing into one’s own life as well, for Hashem promises that He will bless those who bless His children (Bereishis12:3). Certainly, wishing good and happiness to those who have caused us frustration can only help them and us, sending more blessing into circulation and uplifting us all.

In Other Words

If I am in the habit of occasionally cursing others, I will prepare a short list of blessings I can use instead. The next time the situation arises, I will employ one of these blessings.

Reprinted with permission from powerofspeech.org