Positive Word Power

Meatballs and pasketti. Bunny wabbit. Eighteen, nineteen, ten-teen.

Learning is a process of making mistakes. Children, who are new to everything, tend to make a lot of mistakes, and many of them sound adorably funny to the adults who dote on their every word. It pays, however, to be sensitive to the reactions one has to children’s mispronunciations and mistakes. Right from the beginning, children can tell when they are being ridiculed, even when there is no harm intended at all.

“What’s so funny?” a child might ask when his unintentional error is greeted with smiles, smirks or even an outright laugh. Not only are his feelings hurt, but he is made to feel incompetent and foolish. He becomes afraid to try again, lest he make another mistake. Eventually, if he is often ridiculed for his mistakes, his capacity to try new things, ask questions or expose his lack of knowledge in any area shrivels. As the Mishnah (Pirkei Avos 2:5) teaches, “A person who is ashamed cannot learn.” One who is afraid to show that he does not know will never know, because he will never ask.

If even a kindhearted laugh at a child’s expense can hurt him, one can only imagine the impact when the ridicule comes with condemnation. Some common expressions parents use can fall into this category: “You sound like a baby!” “When are you going to act your age?” “You can’t be serious.” Children treated to such exclamations of disapproval soon learn that their instincts are not to be trusted.

That does not mean, of course, that parents and teachers should refrain from correcting mistakes out of fear of wounding a child’s feelings. Children rely upon the adults in their lives to set them straight on the road to maturity. There are many positive ways to do this in language that recognizes the child’s effort to do something that is difficult for him, to try something new or understand something a little above his level of ability. “That’s a very good word you just used. Here’s the right way to pronounce it,” conveys an entirely different message than, “Can’t you speak English?”

The same sensitivity one applies to children is equally applicable to adults who, like children, are trying something new or something that comes hard to them. A baal teshuvah or convert who is just learning Hebrew needs help, not ridicule, when he mispronounces something. A person who emigrates from another country is also in need of patience and help. Although his English vocabulary and pronunciation may make him sound childish, he is an adult, perhaps even a brilliant adult who is highly articulate in his own language.

Everyone needs to feel competent and respected. While it is true, as many parents say, “If I don’t correct him, he’ll never learn!” it is also true that shame and despair have never motivated anyone to strive for success.

In Other Words

Rather than making a joke of someone else’s mistake — especially that of a child — I will offer a gentle, respectful correction.

Reprinted with permission from powerofspeech.org