Positive Word Power

Gitty always puts her cup right at the edge of the table. If her mother notices, she will remind the child to move it back to a safer spot. If not, she will clean up yet another spill. Why doesn’t Gitty ever learn, her mother wonders.

Gitty’s mother is exhausted from a long day of work, and when dinner is punctuated by yet another spill, she loses her temper. “You’re so careless, Gitty!” she exclaims. “Why don’t you ever watch what you’re doing? How many times do I have to tell you to keep your cup away from the edge?”

It so happens that Gitty’s mother frequently finds herself regretting something she has said. She tends to be critical and short tempered, and is therefore quick to express her firm opinion of what is wrong with other people. Every time she guiltily recognizes the pain she has caused, she tells herself that she will think before she speaks. Little does she realize that she, just like her daughter, is making the same mistake over and over again. However, hers is a mistake that cannot be fixed with a quick mop-up.

To understand why it seems so difficult for people to stop themselves before they say something they will soon regret, one must examine the process of speech.

Much of what passes through a person’s lips in the course of a day comes under the category of impulsive speech. In other words, the mouth and the brain are operating nearly simultaneously, like a fountain that just keeps gushing forth. Under certain circumstances, such as when one desires to impress another person or avoid arousing someone’s anger, the flow of words passes through a filter before it reaches the tongue.

The fact that this filter can be used when necessary disproves the belief held by many people that it is beyond the abilities of a normal human being to think before he speaks. Speech originates in the brain. Before the word comes the thought; by definition, speech requires thinking. The only question is whether one relies entirely on this involuntary process, or one works toward developing a conscious thought process that remains in gear at all times.

To avoid ona’as devarim, a person must dedicate his brain to filtering its output to a finer degree. Motivation is the key.

Someone who comes to the realization that ona’as devarim is a negative factor in his life must then look for a different way, a means to ensure that impulsive, damaging words do not spill out of his mouth. Even something as simple as posting a “Think before you speak” sign at the desk or on the kitchen counter can help. Turning on the word filter and using it every time one speaks is ultimately nothing more than a habit which, like all habits, can be developed through repetition. Where human effort leaves off, Divine Assistance will surely come into play to help all who devote themselves to protecting the dignity of their fellow Jew.

In Other Words:

I will give  serious thought to the ways in which my ona’as devarim damages my life, a

Reprinted with permission from powerofspeech.org